BLACK TO THE BLIND

"I might wear black for four years straight."

Archive for the ‘thelema’ Category

the meaning of obstacles.

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Frater POS did a nice job today clarifying a tricky issue for a reader:

I think Crowley wrote that if a person isn’t doing his true will, the Universe will constantly put up obstacles and resist your efforts. The inverse implication is that if you are doing your true will obstacles will not arise. This is too simplistic. More than likely as I can’t recall the exact source, I am doing his words an injustice.

There are a lot of subtleties to your question that no one can answer for you, especially one that does not know you. However, I can share some general thoughts.

When I was with my first group, there are all sorts of obstacles. In my second there were all sorts of difficulties. Obstacles are meant to prevent a path. Difficulties make you stronger and wiser.

(Emphasis mine.)

image by motionographer.

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Written by phineas

July 1, 2010 at 1:58 am

Posted in spiritual life, thelema

Tagged with

lust of result.

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I suspect I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). Basically, this means my hormones are out of whack. Doctors don’t know what causes PCOS, but it tends to run in families, as it does in mine.

PCOS contributes to obesity, and vice-versa. The heavier you are, the worse your symptoms tend to get. PCOS also makes weight loss more difficult, though slimming down is the only real remedy (fertility drugs can help if you want to conceive).

My religion teaches the importance of working on something “without lust of result.” Yet when I started this journey, results were all I cared about. Now I know getting to and maintaining a healthy weight is not a destination, but an ever-evolving set of skills. The better and more consistent you are with the practice, the more results you will see.

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Written by phineas

June 27, 2010 at 2:51 pm

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Feeling okay today, and my eating has been fine. Did a lot of HGA work this afternoon. Beginning to feel spiritually connected again.

Written by phineas

June 14, 2010 at 8:16 pm

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Green check today. Sugar-free.

Was researching Islamic art. Am now going to sleep with The Book of Thoth.

Written by phineas

June 14, 2010 at 2:38 am

Posted in thelema

Tagged with

lust of result.

with one comment

This morning over breakfast, my husband told me he’d lost eight pounds on Calorie King over the last two weeks. At that point, I needed to leave the restaurant so that I could cry in the privacy of the car. I usually don’t get jealous. And I would say that I’m feeling more frustrated than anything else.

I haven’t lost a pound since February. Any minor weight loss I have, I gain back within a few days. And then lose again. I haven’t followed Weight Watchers or Calorie King religiously, so some of this is my own fault. But I don’t live the way I used to, and I’ve been struggling with this daily, and on every level I’ve been doing the best I can.

I strongly suspect that my anti-depressant, which has weight gain as a long-term side effect, is a factor. Of course, nobody believes you when you tell them that. But what they think doesn’t matter — I only have myself to answer to. Also, there is much written in Thelema about the dangers of lusting after results.

So, back into the breach I go.

Written by phineas

June 13, 2010 at 5:51 pm

wisdom or folly.

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I’ve been feeling spiritually dry. This may be because, for good reason, I decided to make changing my eating habits my main focus until I got some success at it.

But, interestingly, now that I am not constantly bargaining with sugar, there is suddenly all this room in my life again. So I’ve been cruising the web, looking at pictures of the Abbey of Thelema. I happened across this image of an old edition of Liber Aleph. I usually dis Crowley’s drawing abilities, but if he drew this — and it kind of looks like his work — I will take it back.

Written by phineas

June 10, 2010 at 1:57 am

Posted in thelema

Tagged with

my new diary.

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I’m obsessed with my spiritual life. This doesn’t mean I am some kind of great practitioner; I lack discipline. In part to inspire myself, I started a whole blog about spiritual discipline. (Amusingly, I haven’t updated it in a week or so.)

I belong to a religion called Thelema. In Thelema, we are encouraged to keep a diary of our own spiritual self-transformation. The whole purpose behind the magical diary is to leave a useful and legible record for the practitioners who come after you. Today, I decided that this blog might as well be my new diary.

If my diary is sitting in a notebook on my shelf or hidden away among my Google Docs, who would ever read it? Of course, by making it public, I’m afraid someone might read it.

image from here.

Written by phineas

June 9, 2010 at 10:48 pm

Posted in spiritual life, thelema