drama and color.

Afternoon writing session with Rinn and another friend at Starbucks. 1500 words on Witch Light. Ate a good dark chocolate and caramel bar, and iced green tea.

A dramatic thunderstorm exploded on my way to the grocery store to buy yellow pom pom flowers. Scrawls of crazy lightning in the sky. I sat in the dark car to wait out the immense downpour and worked out the whole plot synopsis for my next project. I could feel the static electricity crawling all over. Later, the sky was half a sherbet orange and half a resonant dark blue.

Now watching a documentary about Maria Callas called Living And Dying for Art and Love.

P.S. Tentatively, the oil spill is capped.

omg.

I finally lost some weight. Some real weight. At 238.4, I am officially, solidly in the 230s.

Now, back to not lusting after results.

I wrote 1100 words today on my novel Witch Light.

It feels good to be home.

lust of result.

This morning over breakfast, my husband told me he’d lost eight pounds on Calorie King over the last two weeks. At that point, I needed to leave the restaurant so that I could cry in the privacy of the car. I usually don’t get jealous. And I would say that I’m feeling more frustrated than anything else.

I haven’t lost a pound since February. Any minor weight loss I have, I gain back within a few days. And then lose again. I haven’t followed Weight Watchers or Calorie King religiously, so some of this is my own fault. But I don’t live the way I used to, and I’ve been struggling with this daily, and on every level I’ve been doing the best I can.

I strongly suspect that my anti-depressant, which has weight gain as a long-term side effect, is a factor. Of course, nobody believes you when you tell them that. But what they think doesn’t matter — I only have myself to answer to. Also, there is much written in Thelema about the dangers of lusting after results.

So, back into the breach I go.

off the reservation, again.

I swerved off the path again last night. When it comes to my food, I am just trying to keep it simple. Get my green check every day. Drink enough water. Exercise. And, eventually, lose eighty pounds. So there is nothing to do about it today but pick myself up and keep walking.

“But truth is not (an accumulation); it is really a pathless land; it may be at the next curve of the road, or a thousand miles away. You have to keep going and then you will find it beside you.” -Krishnamurti.